January 20, 2007
Somewhere it should be written, a heads up if you will, that the month of January can bombard us with eye-opening ideas about all sorts of truths about life. The problem is I cannot figure out how to remember them.
We need a memo on the calendar at the beginning of each New Year that warns us to prepare for surprising notions from our noggin. Also, some advice on improving memory would do nicely.
Thus, I am searching for a way to remember these revelations while I can and to recall important data, most importantly my grandchildren’s names.
I am not joking.
Here are some of my shiny new January thoughts I would be well advised to remember:
1. No one, except for my 89-year-old mother, will notice my weight loss until 20 pounds have disappeared. I will not expect compliments.
2. The highway department storage unit for sand and salt that looks like a mountain in western Kansas has been there for years. This time on the way to Colorado, I will not say, “Wow, look at that. I have never noticed that before.”
3. I will keep a written record of the names of my grandchildren so when my younger kids have offspring of their own I can get the names straight. Otherwise, by the time our youngest son has his own brood I will not be able to remember a single name of his future kids. I am having trouble with the ones who are here now. Cannot imagine what it will be like in 10 years. Maybe it is because the names are too difficult for my aging brain: Ashton, Alec, Cole, Halen, Avery. I say Cole when I mean Alec. I can’t remember Ashton’s name half the time and call him Avery who happens to be a girl. Arghhhh. Halen’s name sticks with me probably because I associate it with a rock star. I can remember Van Halen. Sorry kids.
4. Coffee is very important to my well being. I will not overlook that, yet man cannot live by coffee alone. Donuts are pretty essential, too. Donuts in moderation though. As for coffee, I say keep it coming. A day without coffee is like night, you sleep through it. Who wants to do that? I used to say decaf is for sissies, but now, after dinner, it is decaf for me. Once again, I am forced to swallow my own words. Will I ever learn the law of the universe about making pronouncements?
5. When my husband finds the bag of lettuce in the cupboard instead of the refrigerator, I will accept the idea that I put it there and promptly remind him that I found his car keys in the freezer.
6. Most of all, I will remember how much I love my computer and how much I can learn from it. I never want to forget it or be separated from it. Thus, a Blackberry is undeniably in my future. I must remember to buy one this year.
7. I will adhere to the philosophy professed by some unknown informational superhighway junkie who wrote an anonymous post, “All I need to Know about Life I learned from Computers.”
It goes something like this: “You can never tell when you are going to crash. Some mornings, it is just impossible to get “booted up. It is okay if you need a little tech support now and then. Do not forget how much memory you have!”
Emulating the hard-core computer guys I truly admire, I now carry a flash drive (tiny data backup thingamajig) around my neck with all my memory safely stored. It includes my grandchildren’s names as well as the location of the giant Kansas highway salt shed and other pertinent records. I am set.
There are more ways than one to skin a cat, as my grandmother used to say.
